Assalamu alaikum. Hope all of my readers are doing well! 🙂
I just wanted to drop in here and address (finally) the issue of why I have almost totally stopped mingling freely with the people (“socializing”, I think it is called). This post is not an attempt at justification for this change in my lifestyle, nor an appeal for general understanding. From my experience, very few people actually understand me at this point, even if they try to. So I have stopped caring, actually, who understands me or not.
This post is all about stating some facts, pure and simple.
The thing is, I know that some of the people who want to see more of me in person, actually do care about me very sincerely, and their love and respect for me is very pure. I appreciate that a lot. However, sadly, these people are not the majority of those who wish to access my company. They are, in fact, a very small minority (salt in flour, as they say in Urdu). And, perhaps even more sadly, these sincere people are totally in the dark about just how many haters (covert and open) I actually have out there.
You see, before I begin to list the reasons for my reclusiveness, I want to make one thing very clear: the one who treads the path of the Prophets, is eventually plotted against, and begets enemies, the way the Prophets did. The number of people who want to harm such a person, and the number and severity of their plots against them, is in direct proportion to the scope/success/quality of da’wah work that they do, and the scale of influence that they have over the masses.
Second thing: Allah has blessed me, in recent years, with a special gift (if I may call it that). I used to consider it more of an “affliction” that even I did not understand, at first. But as the years passed, and I began to understand what was happening to me, I started to appreciate this new “condition” that I have. I will not say exactly what it is, but you can think of it as a very strong intuition, or ‘sixth sense’. I can sense unseen things, such as feelings, vibes, and other covert things (such as the thoughts a person is having) without even looking their way. I have had strong hunches (including very vivid visions in dreams) about many events (even those that occurred on a global scale, and were not directly related to me), which eventually happened/came true. This “gift”, however, has come with a price — it takes its toll on me physically and mentally. I suffer from some physical effects of this “gift”, which require time for me to recuperate from.
And because of this “gift”, I have begun to prefer social seclusion.
I won’t go into any further details than that. 🙂
So now, without further ado, let me list out some of the reasons why you do not see me any more. One, or more, or none at all, of the reasons listed below might apply to you; please bear that in mind.
As usual, I will not bite any of my words. This is just the plain truth.
- It is not you, it is just me. The truth is, that now I just plain love solitude. I have just changed. It’s not that I don’t like you anymore. I just like not being with anyone (you or anyone else) more than I (used to) like being with you. Lol. Get it? If you want my company, try to keep it as low-key, small and quiet an affair, as possible. Crowded parties emanating the din of clinking cutlery, cackles, and chatter? No thanks.
- You vie. You want to meet me because you habitually and compulsively meet people with the intention of merely competing with them in material blessings. You meet everyone just to find out what latest assets and acquisitions they now possess, and how you are faring in comparison. I really have no idea why you do this. Maybe you have a very sad, boring life? Or maybe you are idle and have nothing better to do? Plus, you keep an eye on others’ material blessings and latest acquisitions so that (and just so that) you can rush out to get yourself the same things.
So. Very. Sad. I have no time or patience for the likes of you. Sorry.
- You are a hater (i.e. you are envious). According to Dictionary.com, a hater is: “(Informal.) a person who thrives on showing hate toward, criticizing, or belittling other people or things, usually unfairly“. Your envy blazes through your eyes, and scathes its way across your tongue as lashing, ugly words that hurt and injure. Ouch! You cannot sleep at night because you are obsessively thinking of other people’s successes and blessings (including mine), and this eats away at your insides like a tumor. You literally wait and pine for (and maybe even wish for) successful people’s blessings being stripped away, so that you can feel better about your sad, sorry, useless self.
Why would I (or anyone else) want to meet you? To be exposed to the harm that you inflict upon others? No.
- You are still living in your own dated bubble, and (choose to) ignore how I have changed/grown. I am 41.5 years old now. Maybe I knew you during my teenage years, or you saw me as a child and I grew up (quite literally) in front of your eyes. Or maybe you worked with me during my 20’s, back when I was making PowerPoint presentations, typing test papers, or translating pamphlets. But you still talk to me as if I am that same, young Sadaf you once knew, back when I was 15, 21, or 31. And you refuse to acknowledge how I have changed, or what I have achieved over the years, nor do you have any interest in any of my current occupations. Lady/Sir, you are looking at a middle-aged woman now, so please get your nose out of the past! “Sadaf! Remember how you used to ________ (insert embarrassing childhood activity that I have repented for)?” “Sadaf, can you teach that _________ course again, the one you taught back in 2002? It has the same syllabus, same book, same course methodology.“
Eh? Stagnate much?
- You treat me like a fatwa/advice vending machine. I might have published a book with over a 100 counsels and Q&A’s, but each of them took quite some time to address. Generating the content of this book took years. I cannot answer your question whilst standing in the middle of a mall, or 5 minutes after you have emailed it to me. Whenever someone asks me for advice, or poses a question, I need time to find and/or generate the answer. Perhaps you don’t know that?
Ever used a vending machine, where you punch in the product code (or press the button for it), drop in the required coins/money, press a button, and boom! The product is dropped out by the machine for you?
Guess what? I am not such a vending machine for fatwa’s or advice. I need some time to give you the answer you seek. So, if you are willing to give me that time, then email me your question. But I cannot and will not issue any verdicts (fatawa), because I am not a mufti.
So if you are in Pakistan and need a fatwa, please call Darul Uloom Karachi at +92-21-35043774 and request to talk to a Mufti.
If you are in USA or Canada, please contact this free fatwa hotline to get a fatwa. Please adhere to the timings that you are provided regarding the availability of the Mufti’s on these hotlines.
- You are very petty. You discuss very trivial and useless things that I have no patience for, or interest in. Such as who recently married who, the latest celebrity gossip, news about politics and dirt-flinging politicians, or what you cooked for your 20+ guests the other night.
Thanks, but you might want to seek out company that has interests similar to yours. I am not one of them.
- You whine. Maybe by now I have known you for 10, 15 or even 20 years. But every single meeting with you involves me being the mute listener mostly nodding my head/providing you the “shoulder” that gets wet with your tears, and you going on and on about the same (or similar problems) that you have had since years. Throughout the meeting, you don’t smile or laugh even once. It’s all about you, you, and you — and your dire circumstances. You leave me feeling emotionally and mentally drained.
Fact? Your life is actually not that bad. You just choose to dwell on, and complain about, what it seemingly lacks. This is the exact opposite of the shukr/abundance mentality that a Muslim should strive to possess.
So instead of trying to meet me, please consider consulting a professional therapist or psychologist. On a long-term, permanent basis. May Allah help you and grant you ease.
- You are just disrespectful. You are just plain rude in the things that you say to me, and how you say them. Even if you have that signature, fake, people-pleasing smile on your face whilst saying them. Look, I am not perfect. And I never claimed to be. So there is no need for you to pass derogatory comments about me, my life choices, or my children, even if you cannot understand the reasons and wisdom behind my decisions. It does not matter if you are a decade older than me, or have known me for 20+ years. You have no right to insult me. If you think that I am self-righteous/arrogant, or that I have my husband totally under my thumb, or that my children will abuse me when they grow up because I never sent them to school, or that I am a social misfit, keep your condescending/insulting opinions to yourself.
And don’t try to contact me to have coffee/lunch, again, unless you repent and change your ways.
- You allow my achievements to make you feel inadequate about yourself, and uncomfortable in your own skin. This one is the saddest (for me). Seriously, sister, just because you and I started on the journeys of marriage, motherhood, writing, homeschooling/ parenting, or da’wah at around the same time, but we traversed our milestones differently, why do you compare yourself to me? Why do you focus so much on what I have now become, as compared to you? Maybe Allah has appreciated (and rewarded) your efforts more than He has mine. Maybe He loves you more, for your sincerity and intentions? So even though you want to meet me, during our meetings, I can sense how you allow your self-esteem to take a rapid nose-dive, making you “feel bad about yourself” long before our meeting is over. And it shows. But why? I feel so bad about the effect that my company clearly has on you and your self-esteem, that I wonder whether just avoiding you socially is better (for you)?
So that’s what I (now) do. Sigh. I am sad to see you go, because I really like(d) you!
- You have deliberately slandered me. You have intentionally made false claims about me in the past, didn’t apologize for it, nor think you did anything wrong, and now you want to meet me, acting as if I shouldn’t be offended by your past vile actions in the first place. You claim that “my heart is dirty” just because I still remember the lie(s) that you said about me to others.
Some news for you: deliberately slandering a Muslim is a major sin, and if you do not apologize to the one you have slandered before your death, Allah will not forgive this major sin in the Hereafter, until the score is settled in His court. Yeah, swallow that!
Now, please tell me, if you once falsely claimed that I have a “serious psychological problem”, or that I am plain crazy in the head, why do you now want me over to your house for dinner? Do you want to go around telling everyone in your social circle that I came to your house? Or is it the norm for you to have psychologically disturbed, “crackpots” over for tea/dinner?
Such a “Good Samaritan”, aren’t you?
Well, based upon your own past lies, I don’t think that I am at all good enough for your angelic, holy table-spread. Why not invite other rumor-mongers like yourself, instead?
Please take a hike!
- You are an agent (in cahoots with others) on a mission. (i) The first scenario of this situation involves someone who is trying to get the latest “dirt” (private information that I do not share openly) on me. So here is how this scenario goes: A, B and C are in cahoots, in that order. A, a hater, is on my blacklist, so he or she asks B to get in touch with me. When B also fails to snare me, A asks B to contact C (who is a contact/friend of B, and could be a member of one of the WhatsApp groups that I have been added to). C, in cahoots with B, who is in cahoots with A, repeatedly tries to contact me, so that I (preferably with my kids) can meet them on a one-on-one, in-person basis. Remember, ‘A’ is the one pulling all the strings here. ‘A’ is actually a master manipulator, mostly older in age, who uses the younger (subjugated) ones in their circle (such as ‘B’, and their contact ‘C’) to get what they want, which, like I said, is the latest “dirt” on me that they can use to plot against me.
(ii) The second scenario of someone contacting me, as an agent-on-a-mission is when, what I refer to as the “correction police” are in cahoots with each other, in order to pull me back upon (in their opinion) the right path. You see, according to this group of my “well-wishers”, who clearly have a lot of spare time on their hands, I am supposed to be perfect and infallible, at all times. I am never supposed to err, give a wrong statement, or have an opinion that could be even slightly wrong. So, for example, judgmental person ‘A’ read one of my articles/social media posts (or, in the past, one of my Facebook updates). She privately unleashes her venomous opinions about me in front of a few of her in-cahoots groupies, namely B, C, and D. They all discuss my article/post, tear my honor apart behind my back to shreds, decide that I need immediate correcting, then jointly recruit a neutral acquaintance of one of their members, E, to be their spokesperson (uh,….cowardly much?). Because, in their opinion, I am either leading people astray, or am going off the right track myself, so I need to be urgently corrected. So, E sends me a DM or an email, either unleashing the group’s lashing critique of my opinions right there in the message (after starting off very politely, of course), or instead, inviting me, in an extremely syrupy tone, to meet them in person, so that all of the “correction police” squad can also arrive there, and launch a proper coordinated attack upon me from all sides, the moment they have made me comfortable and surrounded me. They are heavily armed with detailed fatawa and other material to bombard me with. Sometimes, this ‘attack’ happens through WhatsApp DM’s. Sometimes, it is via email. And sometimes, in person.
Fun fact? Now, whenever such an agent-on-a-mission tries to contact me, I never take the bait. None of them, apparently, even know that I am on to them. Lol. But seriously, how would I not know? Remember, Allah revealed your true colors to me in the past, which is why I avoid you in the present.
I am all for being given sincere advice. Believe me, when someone advises me sincerely, their sincerity shines through their words, like a warm light. It has a positive effect, and I feel grateful for their favor.
But as for those who want to launch such coordinated “advice” attacks upon me, I have a few words: your hate and envy is clearly given away by the tone you use, whether in voice or in writing, and by the look in your eyes, even if you start off your monologue politely and respectfully, at first.
So think deeply about why you want to advise me? To boost your ego, because you “won”, and I lost? To experience the pleasure of “taking me down”? To boost your popularity among your groupie friends? Or to be known as the person who supposedly brought Sadaf Farooqi back upon the right path? So sad.
Kindly, just give up, and get a life! Already.
- You just want to use me to access my children. This person doesn’t like me much, mostly because of my ‘rigid/ultra conservative religious beliefs’. They actually can’t stand me or my opinions. But, ironically, they absolutely adore my children. So much so that they wish these 3 lovely children had been given to them somehow, instead of to me, because of what (they think) I am turning them into (viz. suicide bombers, terrorists, extremists, — you name it). So this person, who is supposedly SO in love with my children, happened to last see A’ishah, Abdullah or Amatullah 6 or 7 (or more) years ago. Now they are dying to cast their eyes upon them, wondering what they look like all grown up, or how awesome they have turned out. Yes, dear, sincere “well-wisher”, my children (with emphasis on the MY) are still awesome (mashaÁllah la quwwata illa billah). But sorry, they are not exhibits showcased in a museum like ancient, sacred relics for you to come at will just to ogle at. And this particular “security guard” is not budging from her duty of protecting them (from the likes of you). 🙂
If you want to meet them, first get over your dislike/disdain of me. Do not try to get to them without my knowledge or permission, because….ahem….you don’t know who you are dealing with here. Show their mother some respect, even if you hate her, and you might get to see them, fleetingly, one day.
- I am a frequent victim of “the eye”. Sigh. In case this isn’t already clear/obvious. Yup: I experience symptoms suffered by one who is the frequent victim of al-ain, or the eye (nadhar). This started happening ever since I began publishing my books on a roll (mashaÁllah). I don’t know why. Maybe people who read my books discuss and praise me without saying “masha’Allah”? Allah knows best.
I am still adjusting to this new, ongoing trial in my life, Allahul mustaán. I will not explicitly state what the symptoms I suffer frequently from are, but there is a hint in the excerpt, below, which I have taken from an Islamic website. Note: I suffer from only a few of these symptoms:
“As for the symptoms of being affected by the evil eye, Shaikh Abdul Aziz Sadhan (may Allah preserve him) said: “If it is not a real sickness, then the symptoms may take the following forms: Headaches that move from one part of the head to another; yellow pallor in the face; sweating and urinating a great deal; weak appetite; tingling, heat or cold in the limbs; palpitations in the heart; pain in the lower back and shoulders; sadness and anxiety; sleeplessness at night; strong reactions due to abnormal fears; a lot of burping, yawning and sighing; withdrawal and love of solitude; apathy and laziness; a tendency to sleep; health problems with no known medical cause. These signs or some of them may be present according to the strength of the evil eye or the number of people who put the evil eye on others.” [Al Ruqyah Al Shari’ah]
By the grace of my Lord, these 3 new afflictions in my life i.e. al-ain (the eye), the envy of haters (hasad), and (to a much lesser extent) the evil of those who deal in witchcraft (Sihr), have not been able to affect my worship or my closeness to my Rabb. All praises to Allah! My connection with His words, my beloved Qurán, my lifeline, is as (if not more) stronger than ever! And this is Allah’s favor upon me. May He grant me (and my family) protection. Aameen.
By the way, you read that right, although I won’t elaborate further upon it: I have experienced the evil of enemies (covert and open) who deal in witchcraft (Sihr); who have jinns in their control. Don’t worry, the lot of them (practitioners plus their captive jinns) don’t scare me one bit.
Quite the opposite, in fact. Their jinns run away from me like lightning. 🙂
Now I get it: why the muáwwadhatain should be recited morning and evening (and how clearly Surah Al-Falaq mentions women who excessively blow upon knots, and the evil of the envier whenever he or she envies).
Sihr, wallahi, is a very real threat to anyone who has blessings (particularly: a happy marriage, livelihood, righteous offspring, affluence, and religious influence), especially the Muslim who possesses all these blessings, and also confidently lives a life upon Islam, and un-apologetically raises their children upon it.
Sihr can destroy families, marriages, livelihoods, physical health, and thwarts/curtails a person’s provision. Sihr can cause severe mental illness. It can make a person stray away towards kufr from iman. And it can even cause death! It is not a joke, or something to be taken lightly. I always assumed that Sihr was something that was done by unknown, ignorant people, you know, such as those who are totally uneducated and live in remote villages.
But, brothers and sisters, Sihr can be carried out even by very highly educated, civilized, and affluent people! As long as they have someone they hate, whom they want to see destroyed or dead, they can get involved in Sihr.
May Allah protect us all from this major sin, and from becoming victims of it. Aameen.
A note to my sincere well-wishers:
Jazakum Allahu khair for being so sincere, loving and patient towards me. For praying for me and wishing me well. And for accepting my reclusiveness. I know that the new changes in me and my lifestyle probably confuse and boggle you a lot. It is understandable, because I never kept a distance from you before.
And I know that this probably hurts you.
However, this new strategy has become a dire necessity for me (primarily to protect my children).
Because, since publishing my latest books, especially the ones about the Qurán, I have seemingly entered a new realm, a new path, which seems to be Prophetic and Divinely-endorsed in nature. The special “gifts” of this new path, and the sweetness of faith that it brings, cannot be described in words. Yet, it comes with its peculiar trials and afflictions as well, which expose me (and my loved ones) to new kinds of risks. E.g. my enemies have increased. And even I can still not comprehend why I would even have enemies!
I am adjusting to these new changes in my life, myself. This is all still new to me, and I am still learning. But it was mainly during the last 2-3 years, that my eyes were opened to realities to which I was hitherto blind.
Hence, the need for this blog post.
All praises to Allah, I am honored to be upon this path, and nothing, not even the risk of death, will make me turn back. I want to be nearest to Allah in Al-Fridaus, and I am willing to give up anything for it.
So if you want to see/meet me, please just let it be on my terms, and please don’t ask me further questions if I remain silent about certain matters. Just consider that my silence just needs to be there for the sake of the well-being and protection of my near and dear ones (not just my children, but others too).
InshaÁllah, if you will agree to meet/see me on my terms, Allah will cause much benefit and good through our meeting, and increase you in blessings and goodness.
That is my dua for you. 🙂
P.S: If I ever disappear from WhatsApp, you’ll know why. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯